Wednesday, December 31, 2014

How Much Did I Accomplish In 2014?

This is such a tough question. I have no empirical answer. I need do re-visit the events during the year of 2014, and do some contemplations to forge my way in coming 2015.

Actually, I did write a set of resolutions, as usual, I did past years. The resolutions are kind of wish list, a dream that waiting so long to be true, a reminder to work harder, and the guideline, if that it could ever be called.

It's kind of funny to think again, of how I try to design my 2014’s life according to my naïve perspective and life experience. This gives you a damn sick feeling, when you looking back and realised how unaccomplished you are.

So that should answer the very question here. However, I think I should share some of the significant things here, at least I could read it again another time and remind myself about everything shining and the darkness of my life.

The first, about a life career. This one is totally unimaginable. I plan to build my own company, then it is not working. Then to get hired, the result not much pleasantly. The waiting moment is so painful. Everything seems stuck on the end road.

Actually, it was a result of an unclear vision. This is my honest flashback. I plan to get hired, but at the same time, I am partially working on to continue study in the Masters. At the end of the day, albeit I choose the latter instead of the former.

To think again the moment I decide to choose a different path, it was not easy. It was 180ᴼ turning. Many question in my decision, especially my own family. And friends too, if they ever try to understand me.

But at last, I am in the fog of delirium, to get knowing that I made a right decision.

The second, I dream to perfecting my own self. It is not perfect, but improving. I want to be a multilingual person, so I decide to learn some foreign languages mainly Portuguese and Spanish. However, I end up studying Arabic.

So the Skype and Facebook chat thing with overseas friends I put in my early resolution set are none happened. Sad right? My bad.

Same goes for online courses. I am, as usual, register everything that seems fabulous in some great online course web page. Everything, actually ends up with nothing too. I should laugh at myself. Indiscipline and inability to manage my daily scheduled make me mess up with everything.

However, I did accomplish some. Believe me, even though I might not completing the online-things, I did a great job in offline-thing. The Sekolah Falsafah class, the History of Economic Thought class, the Worldview of Islam Series class and bundles of other intellectual discourses around Kuala Lumpur, proudly I did.

I hope these will rebalance the unbalance.

The third, about the self-attitude. I don’t want to brag about anything about this, of course, because it is abstract. I only want to say to myself, yes, ATA, you did a great job and please keep it up and always seeking for improvement.

Anyway, about memorising the Quran, it is miserably failing. I didn’t manage to do it even once. Next year, please.

I start to exercise regularly. I jog and cycling. I keep my body in good health. The missing is, I don’t have the chance to continue my Taekwondo class, yet.

And another thing is, I didn’t accomplish my promise to get more connected to my only grandma. This thing I need to work it out because I knew the time is running out, now.

The fourth, on my self-satisfaction. This one is almost black-out. It is out of a question. Travel? It is none. Amazon’s wish list? Some. The braces? None too. The TOP-SECRET’s wish lists, damn it is none. The debts’ payable? Just one.

The only thing is booked. I bought f’cking lotsa books. It's more than thousand I spend on books. Give me a tissue, I want to cry right now.

The final – the fifth, is about self-financed. This one is the hardest thing, for the entire year of 2014 as long as I could remember every single hardship I face. For the one that taught me very well on the meaning of life, of the sense of kindness, and of the meaning of Supreme Being.

The one that makes me redefine the way I see the life, the human being, the friendships, and the quest for meaning. And the one too, who taught me to understand the concept of Lagom – not too much and not too little.

And for that, I want to compliment myself for the last protocolself-finance, sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes in the midst of nowhere, you find yourself.

2014 taught me everything. Everything that I could grasp, I could learn, and I could contemplate, I think it is enough to say I am meta-accomplished. Why is that? Because I proudly felt my greatest breakthrough is, I stopped looking to the external for validation.

Dear past, thank you for all the lessons. So tomorrow, you’ve only got three choices: to give it up, to give it in or to give it all you have got. For every broken bone, I swear I lived.

Dear 2015, I am ready.