Friday, November 14, 2014

To Share or Not To

I always stuck in a dilemma at the two junctions; to share or not to of my dreams. I’m not a fan of talking much, I rather do it silently and save the rest for later.

However, I feel its necessity to share and to discuss my dreams to others. My mum, of course. She would support whatever I want to do in my life. My friends, colleagues, and strangers is another story.

Often I feel like a burden on my shoulder once I told someone about my dreams. It looks like I failed miserably if I couldn’t manage to make it. It sounds like I am just babbling around. At least, that is what I think.

A couple days ago, I shared a few my dreams with someone I just met about 4 hours. He’s a cool young guy. We talk about life and stuff, share a morsel of everything as I could remember. And somehow we became a friend.

At first, I hesitate. This is the usual me. The confabulations go verily in me. The introspection going to a state of wilderness. Is this a right thing to do or are there some other way rounds?

Long story short, yes, we manage to have a pleasant conversation, plus I learned a lot from him too. I share my dreams, basically what I want to do in my life, what to achieve, where to go next, the philosophy and the own self-vision.

I share with him my story, as I anticipate it would encourage him to do more than I could during my time as a Degree’s student. I bid him explore the world, to be independent and get loose in search of the meaning of life.

In essence, fundamentally it is what I thought incessantly in my life. Eventually, his responses were astonishing. He expresses his desire and motivation, and gratitude to my sharing. I was flattered, sincerely.

Actually, he is not the first person who I met and share, which I scruple at first, not because of his or her skin colour or whatever differences designated between them and me, but rather my own doubt of myself, happens in that fashion.

Often I feel the necessity to share and to motivate others, in particular for the keen. I believe by sharing my dreams, it helps to foster my pathway to it. However, it's often too, I decide not to share, rather talk lightly about sports and stuff.

I tried to find an answer why I have this tendency. Is that because of my past, or the self-clash in the midst of joys, pain, doubts or hopes?

I found an only answer, I am a roamer, a traveller and a wanderer in the endless quest for meaning. While, the doubt raise, the qualms roar, the worries provoke, and all of this doesn’t matter. To live is to fight those things.

I realise I need someone to talk to, to share and to reminisce of my own self, from there it will help me to connect the dots. This as well, and introspection. It makes me realise the incompetence of the self, incompleteness, and the hollows, that I can’t live on my own.

It makes me believe too, by doing it – the introspection and the talks – it will draw me closer to the One and lucidly face up to the loneliness of my consciousness and indeterminate destiny.

Indubitably, all of these – the self-interviewing, the introspection and the talks – already mentioned in Quran,
“Surely in the remembrance of God are hearts comforted.” 
(ar-Ra’ad: 28)