Saturday, October 4, 2014

An Aidiladha Eve

This year became my first time ever celebrating Aidiladha away from my family, and I wrote this today, on Aidiladha eve.

I feel like I want to write something today because there are too many things playing around in my head, and I need to sort it out to be able to narrate it nicely and at the end, it will somehow send a wonderful message to the reader.

OK, nothing serious in fact. As routinely I love to write and sharing my views reflecting the life I endured, today it would be in the same pattern.

This week, entirely frantic – or hectic – you can choose either one to imagine how my life went by. Sometimes when you get hit harder and make you stumble, you will quickly ask, why did it only ever rain when the day needed no further assistance in being rotten?

Couldn't even the weather take pity on me?

That's literally how I felt, and the question means straight to The Almighty God. We seek answers from Him, why this happened and why these should go like that and why didn’t it be in another way round and lots more the questionings.

Sometimes it took no longer than a second to burst into tears in public just after realising the hit knock you down unpleasantly. And you ask those questions without more ado.

You were innocent. The hardships and tribulations never meant otherwise, but to testify to our faith.

This merely my motivation to face this up and hold on the prolonged belief. Nonetheless, the Aidiladha and all the stories back to Prophet Ibrahim and his son, Ismail nonchalantly motivates me to give a go for the rough life.

As I wrote this today, I tried to imagine how my life could be if those blows never come up in my life. The thing for sure, after those things happened, I felt much closer to my Creator. I felt His presences and force of dependencies towards Him, million times more.

I never reach out my point yet. Sorry, my bad. This week, I need to submit the EPF membership number to the registrar as part of the procedure to get payment for Research Assistant (RA), like I told you before my story on the continuing study in the Masters at UKM.

As I am doing Masters in research, so automatically there was a research grant provided to the student. Kind of allowance, you can say that too. The ruinous part is, I need to retake another medical check-up. Why did it consider ruinous?

Medical check-up this day totally intimidating my financial capability at the moment and its ruins me. I am starting earlier inscribing about the hardship in life, yes, this one of them I am suffering.

Fortunately, I have this blog to ventilate some of the tenses – telling this story might ease a little – while I have no human being around to disclose.

You know what, being in this situation is sweet, though. You never knew how gloomy the sky was until the storm strike, how bright the sun was until you experiencing the darkest of nights.

And importantly, you never knew how sweet and exquisite this life is until you suffering the miserable and destitutions.

A peaceful rainy Aidiladha Eve, the water unhurriedly running down the sky dampening the backyard and the bamboo leaves, the snails coming out relishing the dankness and gleefully climbing the brick wall, the squirrel blissfully fools around in between the hibiscuses.

Such aide-mémoire — don’t be too sad, the world is beautiful.

Far away from family on Aidiladha eve, I am sitting by me on the couch, but I am never alone. I knew it. Things always look darkest before the dawn. The strains will go away, soon, because I have Him.